79: Notes To Self

Yo, it’s Luke!

So I just found one of my favorite niche apps ever - News Feed Blocker. Takes 2 sec to install and you can block the feed on LinkedIn, YT, FB, Insta, etc. If you use socials for work, but don’t want to get caught doomscrolling, it’s perfect.

That said, here is your weekly Notes To Self. Iot some positive messages from the last essay edition, so I’ve decided to share another one. It’s called “How do you feel about that?”

“How do you feel about that?” is the greatest follow-up question of all time. It opens up a new avenue almost every time.

With every person, there is the logical, actual thing that's happened, and then there's the story (and emotions) they've attached to it.

Most of the time, we only get the first part. Yet the second is where all of the juice lives.

1. A new promotion

Them: "Yeah, I just got promoted to manager at my company."

You: "Oh nice, congrats! How do you feel about that?"

Them: pauses "Honestly? Kinda terrified. I've never managed people before and I'm worried I'm gonna fuck it up. Like, I know I'm supposed to be excited, but mostly I'm just anxious about letting my team down."

Before this question, the conversation would've stayed at "congrats" level. Now you're actually talking about something real.

2. A big life move

Them: "My girlfriend and I are moving in together next month."

You: "Oh wow, big step. How do you feel about that?"

Them: "Man, it's weird. I love her, but I'm also lowkey mourning my independence, you know? Like I've lived alone for 5 years and I can just... do whatever. Stay up late, have the place exactly how I want it. I'm excited but also sad this chapter closing."

The logical answer is "it's good, we're ready." But the emotional truth is way more interesting and real.

3. Parent stuff

Them: "Yeah, my dad's retiring this year. Selling the business."

You: "How do you feel about that?"

Them: "Dude, I don't know. Part of me is relieved he'll finally slow down, but also it's like... that business was his whole identity. I'm worried about what happens when he doesn't have it anymore. And honestly, I feel guilty I didn't want to take it over."

Without the question, this is just a fact. With it, you're in the actual emotional landscape.

People are holding onto a lot of stories and emotions. Asking this question allows them to share those moments. And at the end of the day, a great conversation is about being and witnessing; it is about seeing someone in full.

Without getting into the emotional side, you will not see someone in full.

Most people want to be asked about their feelings but rarely are. We default to the logical, the factual, the surface-level. We ask what happened, not how it landed. We get the headline, not the story underneath.

But the story underneath is where connection lives.

When you ask this question consistently, relationships deepen. People feel seen. They feel heard. They realize you're not just going through conversational motions; you actually want to know them.

And they start asking you back.

Conversations become less about trading information and more about actually witnessing each other. Less surface, more substance. Less performance, more truth.

And really, the best conversations aren't about being impressive. They're about being real. And "How do you feel about that?" is a great way to get there.

- L

Thanks for wanting to know more today than you did yesterday! If you liked this edition, send it over to a friend who would like it too 🤝

Cheers,

Luke

PS: you can find more rabbit holes here & my writing here.